Love never needs to be physically abusive when it comes to any type of relationship. I grew up in an abusive household. I am 44 years old and I believe that was the worst relationship I’ve ever seen. My mom left my dad when I was five and that was the best thing she could ever do to protect us as well as herself. My mother is one of the strongest women I know and one of the most hard women I know. As we were growing up she never showed us any affection and I feel like the abuse played a big part. The abuse I’ve witnessed was horrific and the strange thing was I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t leave. When I got older, I asked my mom why she would never leave. She gave me reasons from having small children to he’s always provided for her and the family.
I can clearly remember my dad working a full time job Monday through Friday and always providing for us. My mom stayed home, never went out without him and had no clue on where to pay the bills if she had to. As a child I never enjoyed seeing the weekend and because I was younger than five, I had no clue it was the weekend. I always knew that the days my dad didn’t have to go to work the abuse started. Him and my mom would always get into an argument and fight. They would always be in their room, but my sisters and brother would hear them so clearly from our rooms or the living room. We would cry and knock on the door for them to stop. That never helped so se would comfort one another until it will stop. I never been so ready for him to go back to work because during the week he was always nice. He would always buy her something pretty to wear on Fridays and then they would go out and it started all over again.
As I got older, I realized that it was the alcohol that caused the abuse. It made sense to me as my mom began to explain things. During the week he would not drink and he relaxed on the weekends and the alcohol was pulled out. He continued to drink and continued to be more abusive than ever. There was a time my brother jumped on my dad to prevent him from hitting our mom. He was physically thrown off and was cursed at very bad. We knew at that time to stay out of it because we weren’t omitted from getting hit as well.
My mom eventually left in the middle of the night while he was at work. We had to start all over and lived with my aunt for at least a year. It was different from coming from having our own bedrooms to having to share with my cousins. I was okay with that because there was a sense of peace in the home everyday. We eventually had our own place and had to adjust to not having a lot of things. It didn’t matter that we didn’t have electric heat or our own bedroom, but to see my mom happy was the best thing ever. She tried so hard to provide for us. As I look back, I knew it had to be hard because she never had to provide or work. I can go on and on about how she came out of an abusive situation and struggle after the process. I am so proud of her and was happy to see her achieve things she never thought she was capable of doing. She didn’t get her driver license until she was in her 40s.
As a family we’ve never sat down to discuss the abuse with our mom in it’s entirety. She would reflect on certain things. We’ve never sought counseling and I’ve noticed that we all have some effect from the abuse. My brother seems to be mentally abusive, my oldest sister seems to be physically abusive, my youngest is more passive to abuse and I am defensive. You never know what effect it may have on you until later in life. I find myself not allowing anyone to hurt me. When I feel like someone is going to hurt me, I will try to get them before they get me. I refuse to allow someone to put their hands on me or talk me down as if I’m a child or anything less than a human being. Sometimes I find myself reacting defensively at the wrong time. I’ve been told by a man that “a woman deserves to be hit if she provokes a man and it’s ok.” I couldn’t believe I heard him say that. A man is much stronger than a woman and if an argument gets too heated they should walk away. I don’t think it’s okay for a woman to hit a man either because that will cause something that may not be as easy to walk away from. At the end of the day, abuse is not the answer whether it physical or mental. It’s best to walk away before hurting one another with words or physical pain. Until next time–thank you for your attention.
Ephesians 5:25King James Version (KJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it