My Domain has Changed

Hello my followers. My domain has changed to 40plusfindingpurpose.com. I do have new posts and I am currently working on my blog. I would love for you all to follow me to my new destination!

Thank you in advance.

Be YouNique

 

 

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Strange Footprints

Who Stopped By?   I finally was able to get out of the house yesterday, after being snowed inside for four days! Cabin fever officially begin to set in on the second day. We went out to take my daughter back to college early Saturday morning, which was a bummer. When we returned, it was later that evening and it was dark. We discovered some unknown footprints in the snow. We didn’t receive any calls from family or friends stating that they stopped by to visit. The neighborhood we live in has very few children–well my neighbor has three, but they never come over. The footprints were not the size of a 6 or 9 year old child. Needless to say it was not just the footprints, it was the pattern that was taken in the yard. My daughter and I did play in the snow, but stayed close to the steps because we were over it quick. The picture attached shows the pattern of the footprints the I couldn’t understand. We rarely have people to stop by unannounced and the mail person did not deliver a package that day. I was not scared but my curiosity has me wondering. I looked out this morning and kept wondering who stopped by and didn’t bother to call or leave a message. Maybe later today someone will let us know and if not, just an unsolved mystery. The temperature is 15 degrees at this point and I may be stuck in the house for a few more days. To Be Continued….

 

Be YouNique

Hebrews 13:2King James Version (KJV)

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

The Effects of Abuse

When is enough is enough?

Love never needs to be physically abusive when it comes to any type of relationship. I grew up in an abusive household. I am 44 years old and I believe that was the worst relationship I’ve ever seen. My mom left my dad when I was five and that was the best thing she could ever do to protect us as well as herself. My mother is one of the strongest women I know and one of the most hard women I know. As we were growing up she never showed us any affection and I feel like the abuse played a big part. The abuse I’ve witnessed was horrific and the strange thing was I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t leave. When I got older, I asked my mom why she would never leave. She gave me reasons from having small children to he’s always provided for her and the family.

I can clearly remember my dad working a full time job Monday through Friday and always providing for us. My mom stayed home, never went out without him and had no clue on where to pay the bills if she had to. As a child I never enjoyed seeing the weekend and because I was younger than five, I had no clue it was the weekend. I always knew that the days my dad didn’t have to go to work the abuse started. Him and my mom would always get into an argument and fight. They would always be in their room, but my sisters and brother would hear them so clearly from our rooms or the living room. We would cry and knock on the door for them to stop. That never helped so se would comfort one another until it will stop. I never been so ready for him to go back to work because during the week he was always nice. He would always buy her something pretty to wear on Fridays and then they would go out and it started all over again.

As I got older, I realized that it was the alcohol that caused the abuse. It made sense to me as my mom began to explain things. During the week he would not drink and he relaxed on the weekends and the alcohol was pulled out. He continued to drink and continued to be more abusive than ever. There was a time my brother jumped on my dad to prevent him from hitting our mom. He was physically thrown off and was cursed at very bad. We knew at that time to stay out of it because we weren’t  omitted from getting hit as well.

My mom eventually left in the middle of the night while he was at work. We had to start all over and lived with my aunt for at least a year. It was different from coming from having our own bedrooms to having to share with my cousins. I was okay with that because there was a sense of peace in the home everyday. We eventually had our own place and had to adjust to not having a lot of things. It didn’t matter that we didn’t have electric heat or our own bedroom, but to see my mom happy was the best thing ever. She tried so hard to  provide for us. As I look back, I knew it had to be hard because she never had to provide or work. I can go on and on about how she came out of an abusive situation and struggle after the process. I am so proud of her and was happy to see her achieve things she never thought she was capable of doing. She didn’t get her driver license until she was in her 40s.

As a family we’ve never sat down to discuss the abuse with our mom in it’s entirety. She would reflect on certain things. We’ve never sought counseling and I’ve noticed that we all have some effect from the abuse. My brother seems to be mentally abusive, my oldest sister seems to be physically abusive, my youngest is more passive to abuse and I am defensive. You never know what effect it may have on you until later in life. I find myself not allowing anyone to hurt me. When I feel like someone is going to hurt me, I will try to get them before they get me. I refuse to allow someone to put their hands on me or talk me down as if I’m a child or anything less than a human being. Sometimes I find myself reacting defensively at the wrong time. I’ve been told by a man that “a woman deserves to be hit if she provokes a man and it’s ok.” I couldn’t believe I heard him say that. A man is much stronger than a woman and if an argument gets too heated they should walk away. I don’t think it’s okay for a woman to hit a man either because that will cause something that may not be as easy to walk away from.  At the end of the day, abuse is not the answer whether it physical or mental. It’s best to walk away before hurting one another with words or physical pain.  Until next time–thank you for your attention.

 

Be YouNique

Ephesians 5:25King James Version (KJV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it

 

 

 

Why Women Settle

First of all, I am not here to judge anyone at all because my relationships have been far from perfect. As I observe and witness from friends or just on social media—women desire attention. I totally agree with that because I desire a lot of attention. I have single friends as well as married friends that are not happy or seek companionship. I have seen some relationships fail and some are still holding on because there’s no need to go out and date after so many years. I’ve asked myself if that’s a good reason to hold on to unhappiness. My situation is complicated and definitely work in progress. Disclaimer: I do not condone divorce or marital affairs. If you both tried everything to make it work, there is no need to be miserable. “Life is Too Short”

Lonely  I have a friend that has never been married and has no children. She’s single and has never been married. I truly admire her and wish nothing but happiness for her. I’ve been married for 23 years and was separated for almost three years. During my time of being single was difficult at times when it came to companionship. I can say I understand how she feels when desiring companionship. I did have a friend and it help during my time away from what was home. When you’re lonely does it make it okay to accept whatever is handed to you? I truly don’t think so, why deal with someone when they only desire to be with you. I try so hard to stay in my place and not comment as much, but my love for my friends makes it hard for me because I feel their pain. We’ve had this conversation before and her answer was out of convenience for her because they’ve already built a relationship. I think this is a sad reason to put up with someone’s selfish behavior.

Timing   Sometimes I feel as if women are so tired of waiting for “Mr. Right”. Does he actually exist? I truly believe there is no perfect man or woman. Being single gives you a lot of time to yourself and cause you to second guess yourself and your ability to be loved. You begin to question yourself in terms of “what you’re doing wrong or what you’re not doing right”. The longer some women are single the more self-doubt settles in. Holding on to a dead relationship may prevent a person to miss out on crossing paths with someone who is worth their time. If you’ve dated someone for over a year and has never met any family or friends (you are not their person). Some things doesn’t take a genius to figure out, but when you’re in love you don’t see the obvious. Sex is a big deal and can blind you when it’s good sex.

Refusing to Start Over   When you’ve been in a marriage or relationship for a long period of time, starting over isn’t an option for some. Why stay with a man that does not support you financially, emotionally or sexually. We as women sacrifice a lot and put our lives on the back burner to make sure our family as well as our spouse is happy and taken care of. I am at a place that my children are out of the house and I am trying to discover what it is I want to do and figure out who I am after 23 years. One young lady that I know has been married over ten years and has adult children out of the home. Her marriage has been on the rocks for at least five years. I always knew she wasn’t happy, but couldn’t figure out why she never walked away and she wasn’t sure. I asked her if she was afraid of being alone because she was pretty much handling things pertaining to the home. He did help out with the bills, but i think the chemistry was gone. Communication had fallen by the way side and any attraction appeared to be no more. Sitting in a home with no children and no communication has to be miserable. I can attest  to that because I too experience the lack of communication. You try so hard to make it work, but what do you do when it’s been a few years of struggling with the same issues? Trust me this isn’t the last time that I will touch on this subject, but I am closing it out for now. Thank you for your attention.

 

Be YouNique

Proverbs 31:10 – Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.